Finally Pregnant!

Lilypie Maternity tickers

Friday, March 18, 2011

My Other Love

My other love is my pug Lilly.  She's my little buddy and my strength when I am weak.  It's amazing how just seeing her little face can completely change my mood.  I don't know what I would ever do without her.

PitaPata Dog tickers

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Infertility Is Not Me

This month is just dragging and dragging.  I think because I feel like it is just a wasted month in terms of fertility and time is just ticking away.  It kills me to just waste a month like this.  I guess I shouldn't consider it wasting a month, but when we aren't doing fertility treatment I don't consider it trying for a month.  I try to get my mind off of fertility, but find it so hard to do.  Even the things I used to find enjoyable just aren't anymore.  Going shopping isn't fun anymore because I go to the mall and see everyone with their baby strollers and children and it makes me so sad and puts me in a bad mood.  So when I can't do my shopping online and am forced to go to the mall, I try to get in and out and stay focused on the goal of whatever I have to buy.  Dang, I remember when shopping was actually enjoyable.  It's just so depressing not knowing if we'll ever have a family and then we see children all around us.  It's a constant reminder of what we want so bad, but may never have.  It's not fair that we would be such great parents and want this gift so bad.  Some people don't even realize what they have and it just breaks my heart.  I think if everyone had to go through infertility before conceiving, there would be so many better parents out there.
This weekend we had a date weekend at the casino.  We went to dinner and gambled a little.  No kids to make me sad, lol.  But really, it was a great weekend and we were really able to get our minds off of the fertility stuff and focus on us for awhile.  It felt great to just be a couple again.  This month has been relaxing not having to worry about meds and shots, and ultrasounds and follicles, and timing and iuis.  We aren't on the fertility schedule and it really is just what we needed.  When we do go back to treatments, I think we'll need to take a month like this every so often just to enjoy us again.  Noone except infertiles can really understand the toll infertility treatment takes on your body, your mind, your marriage, and just your whole life.  It's exhausting.
This break has made me realize I can't let infertility control my entire life.  I'm going to try and refocus and change this blog a little.  I'm going to stop completely focusing on infertility and focus on other aspects of my life also.  Along with just blogging about infertility, I'm going to also include some fun things.   Obviously, I'll still blog about infertility and infertility topics but I also want to reintroduce new topics to not let infertility completely define me.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I really dislike this waiting period.  Waiting for surgery and then ttc again.  I keep calculating in my head when we may be able to ttc and I'm hoping for late May but realistically it could be June or July.  It really could be late summer if I have to have two surgeries.
Anyways, on a side note.  I read an article about the Duggars today and I became extremely annoyed.  Please God forgive me.  But why do these people have to be so annoyingly fertile.  They are expecting yet another grandchild.  The girl who is married to one of the Duggar children is maybe 23 and already on her second pregnancy, so she'll probably have like 30 children too by the time it's all said and done.  And then it talked about how the elder Duggar couple hasn't ruled out a 20th child and I'm sure they'll have no problem conceiving this child either.  Though they already have 19 and 2 grandchildren and many more in the future I'm sure to enjoy.  Sorry if this is a little offensive.  But for an infertile this is difficult to stomach, as I would be happy with just one.  One little baby to enjoy would just bring me extreme joy.  I really should be more angry at the media for publishing this all over the place.  This really isn't big news.  Please media stop advertising every Duggar pregnancy, it's annoying.  There are other major crisis in the world going on that are really important, plenty for you to report on other than pointless announcements.

Friday, March 11, 2011


I really enjoy reading other women's blogs about infertility.  It helps to have someone else to relate to as there is noone in my life right now that is going through these same struggles.  We are going to start going to a support group weekly starting in mid-April, which I'm actually really looking forward to.  But anyways, I came across this one site/blog that I really enjoyed reading...

I got a pretty good laugh out of a lot of these and could really relate.  A lot of people have asked me why I have deleted my fb account.  Well, I did this for many reasons actually.  One I needed to disconnect with some people in my life and start fresh.  But also to keep my sanity through the fertility process.  I think #779 sums it up pretty well.  I hope to someday create a new account, but for now I think it's for the better in staying strong.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month

With March being endometriosis awareness month, I wanted to bring a little more attention to the disease that most people have little or no understanding of.
Endometriosis affects an estimated 1 in 10 women during their "reproductive years".  This is approximately 176 million women worlwide, who have endometriosis.  Endometriosis occurs when tissue, similar to the lining of the womb (uterus) grows in other areas of the body. This tissue grows mainly in the abdominal cavity.  The tissue is linked to the woman’s hormonal cycle. However, unlike a period, the tissue remains within the body and bleeds forming adhesions (scar tissue), lesions and blood-filled cysts.
Doctors remain unsure as to the definitive cause of Endometriosis, which can only be diagnosed through surgery, though studies indicate that genetics, immune dysfunction and exposure to environmental toxicants may be contributing factors.  The economic impact of Endometriosis is staggering: businesses lose, literally, *billions* of dollars each year in lost productivity and work time because of the disease.  Endometriosis is more than just “painful periods.”  The disease remains misdiagnosed, misunderstood and ineffectively treated, despite being one of the most prevalent causes of hysterectomy, infertility and pelvic pain in women and girls around the globe. 
There is no absolute cure for this disease, just treatments to help including birth control, hormone therapy, and surgery.  It is not unusual for a patient to undergo repeated surgeries and embark on different medical therapies; none offering long-term relief and many carrying highly negative side effects. 

I will be undergoing my second lap next month to treat endo (2 surgeries in less than 3 years).  Hopefully it will be my last but we just don't know, as the endo may continue to grow.  We can always hope for a cure. 

Friday, March 4, 2011

On a Break

This third time was not a charm and yet devastating.  That was our third femara cycle and it didn't work.  Usually 3 or 4 cycles of one drug and IUIs are all a dr. likes to do before moving onto something else.  The theory is if that method of treatment is going to work, it's going to work after 3 or 4 cycles.  So now we go on a break and we have decided that surgery is our best option.  We are going to stay with our original re Dr. A for the surgery and then decide what's best after that.  We've started this journey with him and feel we need to give it a little more time.  Since ovulation doesn't seem to be our problem, continuous cycles of drugs just seem to be emotionally and physically draining.  We plan to start on injectable drugs after the surgery but we dont know if we'll stay with IRH for awhile or maybe switch to Dr. C.  We would like to try Dr. C's method of acupuncture, because we think it would be really helpful in relieving stress.  So next month I'll have a laparascopy and septum resection surgery.  The lap will remove any endo which might have grown back.  This should help improve our chances of conceiving, at least for awhile.  The septum surgery scares me a little.  This might take two surgeries to remove the septum which could mean we will be on a break 3 to 4 months.  This will remove the tissue that separates my uterus into two halves, this is most likely causing implantation issues.  There are so many risks involved in this.  Though my uterus may be somewhat "normal" after this.  I will still be high risk if I get pregnant as my uterus will still be more suscepticle to rupture and also can cause other issues after I have the baby as far as bleeding.  But I guess right now the benefits outweigh the risks and it needs to be done.
So after the surgery or surgeries I will have a month or 2 of recovery for my uterus lining to repair and then we can try again.  Then we will most likely move onto expensive injectable drugs.  Oh yea!  More pain and more money.  But hopefully better results.  So hopefully this will improve our chances too, as injectables normally have better conceiving results.  So for now we are on a break and I'm really bummed about that because I feel like this is such wasted time.  Though I do think we need some time off to recoup and enjoy our lives for awhile without having to think about fertility all the time.  It will be nice to just be us again.
This 3rd cycle failure has just been tough, I feel like a lot of hopes and dreams are just diminishing one month at a time.  I thought for sure that I would be pregnant by my birthday when I started these treatments and now with this new setback I know that is not going to happen.  And with Mothers Day looming, I'm just dreading that day of the only one again alone and not knowing if I'll ever overcome this fertility issue.  It's so depressing.  I feel so alone.  Right now we are looking for support groups.  Unfortunately, infertility is such a hush hush issue there aren't many in the area.  I found one but it doesn't start until April or May so we are looking at possibly having to drive to Columbus, but we think it will be worth it.  Well, that's it for now.  There is not much news to come as these next few months are going to be surgery and recovery.