On a Break

This third time was not a charm and yet devastating.  That was our third femara cycle and it didn't work.  Usually 3 or 4 cycles of one drug and IUIs are all a dr. likes to do before moving onto something else.  The theory is if that method of treatment is going to work, it's going to work after 3 or 4 cycles.  So now we go on a break and we have decided that surgery is our best option.  We are going to stay with our original re Dr. A for the surgery and then decide what's best after that.  We've started this journey with him and feel we need to give it a little more time.  Since ovulation doesn't seem to be our problem, continuous cycles of drugs just seem to be emotionally and physically draining.  We plan to start on injectable drugs after the surgery but we dont know if we'll stay with IRH for awhile or maybe switch to Dr. C.  We would like to try Dr. C's method of acupuncture, because we think it would be really helpful in relieving stress.  So next month I'll have a laparascopy and septum resection surgery.  The lap will remove any endo which might have grown back.  This should help improve our chances of conceiving, at least for awhile.  The septum surgery scares me a little.  This might take two surgeries to remove the septum which could mean we will be on a break 3 to 4 months.  This will remove the tissue that separates my uterus into two halves, this is most likely causing implantation issues.  There are so many risks involved in this.  Though my uterus may be somewhat "normal" after this.  I will still be high risk if I get pregnant as my uterus will still be more suscepticle to rupture and also can cause other issues after I have the baby as far as bleeding.  But I guess right now the benefits outweigh the risks and it needs to be done.
So after the surgery or surgeries I will have a month or 2 of recovery for my uterus lining to repair and then we can try again.  Then we will most likely move onto expensive injectable drugs.  Oh yea!  More pain and more money.  But hopefully better results.  So hopefully this will improve our chances too, as injectables normally have better conceiving results.  So for now we are on a break and I'm really bummed about that because I feel like this is such wasted time.  Though I do think we need some time off to recoup and enjoy our lives for awhile without having to think about fertility all the time.  It will be nice to just be us again.
This 3rd cycle failure has just been tough, I feel like a lot of hopes and dreams are just diminishing one month at a time.  I thought for sure that I would be pregnant by my birthday when I started these treatments and now with this new setback I know that is not going to happen.  And with Mothers Day looming, I'm just dreading that day of the only one again alone and not knowing if I'll ever overcome this fertility issue.  It's so depressing.  I feel so alone.  Right now we are looking for support groups.  Unfortunately, infertility is such a hush hush issue there aren't many in the area.  I found one but it doesn't start until April or May so we are looking at possibly having to drive to Columbus, but we think it will be worth it.  Well, that's it for now.  There is not much news to come as these next few months are going to be surgery and recovery.