Finally Pregnant!

Lilypie Maternity tickers

Friday, December 31, 2010

Almost The New Year

This week hasn't been the best week.  I think the side effects of the drugs are beginning to kick in fully and I'm not feeling great.  Since Sunday, I felt fine at first but now I feel very light-headed and have a constant ache in my right side where my ovary is.  I'm assuming my ovary was enlarged and overstimulated from the 2 follicles and is sore.  But I guess this is just all the effects of the drugs.  Plus I've been extremely moody and been in that why me kind of mood again.  I get in that every so many weeks so I like to compile a list of the top things a person with fertility issues DOES NOT want to hear or is in other words extremely annoyed by:

1.  "Just Relax and it will all work out":  You don't think I've tried that before and you think that if I just relax and have a couple drinks and go on vacation the magic fertility fairy is going to swoop down and make me magically fertile.  It doesn't work that way. 

2.  "It takes time, have patience":  I'm 31 years old, you don't think I have patience.  I've gone through how many holidays without my own children and how many pregnancy announcements and still am waiting for the day to come.  I have patience.  I don't want to be a 50 year old with a first grader.

3.  "I'm pregnant and I didn't even try":  That's great I'm happy for you.  I have to go through fertility drugs and injections and emotional ups and downs and not to mention the fun side effects that come along with it just to maybe have a baby someday but not know if it will ever work, but I'm glad that you are so fertile and are rubbing it in my face right now.

4.  "Why don't you adopt or just adopt and you'll get pregnant":  Okay #1 it's not that easy it's expensive and not guaranteed.  And easy for someone who has mothered or fathered their own children to suggest.  And also you don't just all the sudden become fertile when the adoption papers are signed.

5.  "You should do these things while you can...when you have kids...":  Who says we are guaranteed to have kids and who says that we have to have kids to complete our lives anyways.  Not everyone is blessed with fertility like you.  What if we are infertile forever, are our lives just over.  Should we just die?  So we should travel now because when we have kids...Well what if we can't have kids then what, are we just useless???  I really do want kids more than anything, but I'm annoyed by people acting like our lives will be incomplete without them.

6.  Pregnant girls who complain about their pregnancy:  I understand that when you are pregnant your hormones are going crazy and you are experiencing a lot of discomfort.  You have every right to vent about your discomfort to anyone else in your life but not someone in my position.  You know how much I would love to be in your position, I'm getting all those side effects probably worse but for who knows for what outcome.  At least you know you have a baby on the way and can enjoy looking forward to it, what do I have to look forward to, oh the possibility of a baby and another month of dreaded side effects and more drugs and more needles.  And at least you are giving up drinking for a new baby, I'm giving up drinking in hopes of a new baby that I might never have.  So shut your mouth and enjoy your pregnancy.

7.  The show Sixteen and Pregnant and Teen Mom:  This show just extremely annoys me, but for some reason I still watch it.  Why and the heck can these girls get pregnant and I can't.  These poor babies most of the time aren't given the proper care or lives they deserve and they publish this on world television.  We would give our baby such a great life in a great home and can't conceive.  Why?  I'm so tired of watching on TV and reading in the news unfit parents having children when we would try to be the best parents and give our kids everything we possibly could.  I just don't understand and it breaks my heart because it's so unfair.

Okay so I'm done being grumpy and feeling sorry for myself.  That is my vent for the day, I needed to get that off my chest.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

O...O... Pain

Today was ovulation day and I could definitely feel it, horrible pain in my abdomen.  I guess it could be one of many things the ovary stretching, the egg releasing (2 eggs releasing), endometriosis scarring on the ovary causing pain, etc etc etc.  All I know is I couldn't walk or much less move for half of the day.  I've never had ovulation pain like that before so hopefully it's a good sign.  Unfortunately it makes me constantly think that something is wrong.  Luckily it was a Sunday and I was off today so I could stay home and relax all day.

By the evening the pain had subsided to small twinges and Chuck and I went on a mini date to Buca.  I was wanting Italian so it was nice to get out and have a nice dinner just the two of us.  It's really good to do these things it helps to get our minds off of everything and really just enjoy each other for awhile.  We can't base our happiness on whether or not we are pregnant.  I heard that quote from Bill Rancic from my show and it really made me think how true that is, no matter what God has planned for us we need to be happy with what we have and not focus on the negative.  We are 2 very lucky people in many ways and need to be thankful for the lives we are blessed with.  So Chuck and I keep joking about "our twins" and though it's funny to joke about we really don't know what's going to happen this cycle or the next or next.  We pray for the what's best and really hope things work out, but we just don't know.  I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for either outcome though it's hard to not have my hopes up.  I just know that if this cycle didn't take it's not the end and we can keep on trying.  So now we go on and try to keep our minds off of everything and enjoy being married.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas Eve

So today is Christmas Eve, I'm very excited to spend my first Christmas with Chuck as a married couple.  We will be spending time with both our families and can't wait to see all our nieces and nephews and how excited they will be for Christmas.  We love them all so much.  Christmas without children just isn't the same, kids bring such a different light to the holiday and always can keep the Christmas spirit alive.
I'm finished with the 5 day femara and the side effects were pretty minimal, a few hot flashes here and there and some cramping but nothing at all bad.  We also had a doctor's appointment today to view my follicles and see how I responded to the drugs.  Yes fertility appointments never stop, 365 days a year it doesn't matter what day it is the treatment continues.  Anyways, so we received good news at the doctor, I had 2 mature follicles on my right ovary of 20 mm.  That is a very good response to the drug and my endometrium lining was also thickening nicely.  So with hia counts coming back good, we are going to give it a shot on our own.  Chuck saw the 2 follicles and thought twins!  LOL.  It doesn't necessarily mean twins but this is why fertility meds give a higher rate of multiples because 2 eggs could release this cycle, though both may not fertilize and implant.  So I had to give myself an Ovidrel shot tonight to stimulate ovulation.  I was a little nervous but it was so easy and painless.  Chuck wanted to give it to me first but I wasn't letting him come near me with that needle ;)  So now I should ovulate in about 36 hours from the shot.  And we just pray for a Christmas miracle!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Let's Start the Rx

The visit with the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) at the Institute for Reproductive Health went well.  He seemed optimistic.  Not sure if he has that attitude with everyone, but I'm going to take that as a positive for now.  Any positives in this process are needed.  So he doesn't want to do another lap right now.  (I had a laproscopy 2 years ago to laser out the endometriosis. It's minimally invasive, they cut me open with three small scars and got rid of all the endometriosis and an endometrioma cyst on my right ovary, but the recovery was a little rough.  So needless to say if I don't have to have another one immediately I'm glad for that).  So I've already had an hsg years ago, which is a test where they shoot dye through your tubes and uterus to make sure nothing is blocked, that came back clear years ago so he's not doing another one of those either.  So we get to start right into treatment, which I'm pretty happy about, no more tests as of now at least.
So today I start 5 days of a drug called Femara, it's actually a drug approved for breast cancer and not yet fda approved for fertility yet.  But he said the results are comparable to clomid and the side effects are way less, including less of a chance of multiples.  The nice thing is our insurance covered this drug, we only had to pay for the Ovidrel injection, which considering our insurance is covering all our doctor appointments also, I really can't complain.  So the doctor said on the ultrasound he did last week that my follicles looked small, this drug is supposed to develop these follicles to maturity and ready them for ovulation.  We are not going to go right into IUI (artificial insemination) yet as long as his counts all come back good, because we'd really like to keep this process as natural as we can all considered :)  So now I just take these drugs and we pray for good follicles.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Our Journey Begins Today

Today, we have our first appointment with Dr. A at the Institute for Reproductive Health.  We’ve only been married a month, but previously I’ve been diagnosed and treated for endometriosis and also have a rare bicornuate uterus.  Both these conditions make it much more difficult for us to conceive and maintain a pregnancy.  Most likely conceiving naturally is not an option for us, so we need to find out which infertility treatment is best suited for my condition.  Also we both need to receive all the testing for any other conditions that might be preventing us from conceiving.  So with these struggles ahead, we don’t want to wait too long to begin the long journey we know we have ahead of us.  I've also been having a lot of pain with the endometriosis most likely redeveloping, so we want to see how we can get pregnant ASAP because it will apparantely clear up the endometriosis and help with the pain and stop it from developing further.  I've also already developed an ovarian cyst that has also been causing pain and maybe preventing ovulation.
I'm really nervous to hear what the doctor is going to say.  I know that there isn't a miracle drug or treatment to help us get pregnant, I just hope they can help to provide a treatment for my condition that can give us some hope.  It's hard because it seems like everyone gets pregnant at the drop of the hat, and it's just not the easy for us.  We are so happy for everyone around us, but it's difficult because we don't know if we'll ever have a child of our own.  Infertility is a disease but it's also one of the most difficult mental struggles anyone can experience.  The constant roller coaster mentally along with the physical toll it takes on your body can just really bring you down emotionally.  It's hard for me because I don't know a lot of people personally who can relate to this.  I find comfort in watching Bill and Guillana, lol.  Watching their infertility struggle, sometimes makes me feel less alone for some reason.  I can relate to what she is going through and know that I'm not the only one out there. 
So we will continue to pray for what God thinks is best for us as Chuck likes to say.  And I agree God will decide what is best for us and take us on the right path for us.  I'm nervous and anxious for this appointment today and am hoping for the best as our journey really begins now.