Preparing

I'm already preparing for what I know is going to be a rough week.  I'm due for af either tomorrow or Wednesday.  Which even though this is only one month post surgery and we didn't do treatment this month, it's still always a downer when she shows up.  We are also having my MIL's birthday party at our house this weekend.  So they'll be kids galore, even kids staying with us overnight.  I know it's going to make me sad.  His whole family will be here, people I've never meant and I'm already trying to prepare myself for the "When are you having children?" question over and over again.  At least I'll be at home where I can go in my bedroom and have several breakdowns all weekend. 

Please God help me have the strength to hold it together this week and weekend.  I know it won't be easy but please help to guide me through this difficult time as I still have faith in your plan and will embrace every new opportunity this journey may bring.  As they say, God wouldn't give us anything he didn't think we could handle.  So maybe I should be jealous of all the super fertile people.  God gives them children easier because he doesn't think they have the strength to make it through such a difficult journey.  I'm just trying to make myself feel better.  I'm still trying to figure out what the meaning of all this pain is, I know there has to be a reason I'm being put through this super emotional and difficult time.  I guess it helps me in holding it all together.