A Weekend Away



I survived another Mother's Day!  It wasn't easy, but I'm still alive :)  This weekend we went to Nashville just to get away and enjoy ourselves.  We stayed at the Opryland Resort and Spa and it was an amazing place.  The resort was huge and it was very beautiful.  They had gardens and waterfalls throughout the resort and also many restaurants, bars, and shopping.  We didn't get to lay by the pool which I would have liked, but we still had a great time.  I wish we could have stayed one extra day.  One Mother's Day, we both went and got pedicures and manicures at a really nice salon.  It was a great way to spend the weekend and relax.  I needed to get my mind of Mother's Day and it was perfect.  My sister also kept my dog, Lilly.  Lilly has been so sad lately and she had an exciting weekend with my nephews.  She had a blast and my sister loved having her.  She wanted to keep her :)  So it all worked out and Lilly got to have a little vacation too!  Sometimes I feel bad for her because we don't have any kids or other dogs for her to play with or keep her company.  I think she gets lonely during the day and it kind of makes me sad.

On a fertility note, I used OPK's this month to help predict my natural ovulation a little more accurately.  I was excited to actually get a positive, so I know ovulation is on it's way.  I'm happy that I'm already ovulating one month after surgery.  Hopefully that means my ovaries are in good shape, now my crappy uterus just needs to get on board with the rest of the team!  So I'm still a little swollen and my ovulation has been painful this month.   Getting pregnant this cycle might not be the best thing for me, since I'm still in the healing process.  But it's not going to stop us from trying!  But either outcome I'm pretty much okay with :)  We have acupuncture scheduled for Friday and I'm really looking forward to that.  I'm hoping it relieves my stress and relaxes me just like everyone says it will do.

God's Plan

So as we all know Sunday is the most dreaded day of the year for almost all infertile girls.  I loathe this holiday every year, and this year is no different.  Should I say it, I hate to even say it, Mother's Day.  It's an annual reminder of the fact that I'm infertile and can't be a mom, but it feels like everyone else is.  As everyone celebrates with their children, there I sit alone again another year, with just my furbaby.  Whom I love, but it's not the same.  I love my mom to pieces, but I still hate the holiday.  Not because I have a bad mother-daughter relationship.  Our relationship is fabulous, but I hate the reminder that I'm 31 and no kids again.  So what are we doing, heading out of town and forgetting about the whole holiday. Yes, we are going away for the weekend, just C and I.  I'm going to focus on us this weekend and forget about this whole mom's day thing. 

Right now instead of focusing on the negative, I want to focus on the positive experiences going on in our lives.

• I had my post-op appointment last week and we are good to go to start treatment on the start of my next cycle.  The endo was only stage I, very minimal, and it's gone (at least for now).  The septate was half my uterus and then my uterus is still bicornuate.  The septum is gone which could have been causing implantation problems and the endo is gone which could have been causing implantation and egg quality problems.  The doctor is very optimistic and thinks we can just start out with femara and iui's again.  So that leads me to have some optimism too, because with his experience I'm pretty sure he's seen it all.  He's not going to sugar coat anything for us.  If he has hope, then so do I.
• My last cycle started right on time 28 days surprisingly after the surgery.  I'll be ready to start treatment at the end of May!
• Our support group has helped so much.  I enjoy meeting with the girls and couples every week and it's so nice to have support from people who truly understand.  I love the fact we are all there to support each other through this difficult journey.  We've also been able to receive a ton of information about different aspects of infertility, local doctors, local adoption agencies, etc.
• I truly believe that this is all in God's plan for us.  As I sit in reflect on infertility, instead of constantly asking "Why me?" anymore, I'm slowly but surely coming to realize that this is just a journey that God is taking us through.  In the end, we will have a family, maybe naturally, maybe through adoption, but we will have the end result we want.  God gave me these infertility issues for a reason.  And thinking through it all, God maybe did this to help me out of the first horribly, abusive relationship I was in prior and to bring me to my true soulmate, C.  Without infertility, I may not have ever been able to find my true love.  And now maybe it has continued because I found this support group and we are continuing to support each other.  Maybe God wanted me to be there to support others and meet these other incredibly strong, amazing people for a reason.  God is having us wait for a reason, I'm not exactly sure for what reason yet but I know there is a plan.  I'm developing a better relationship with C and myself and with God as I continue through this journey to our family.
• This 3 month break was just what the doctor ordered for C and I's relationship.  I feel like we have reconnected and our back on the same page with everything.  I feel great about going into treatment in a few months and think I can handle it without being too much of an emotional disaster.  Let me emphasize the too much, I'm sure I'll be emotional at times throughout our continued journey.  But I'm hoping maybe I can deal with things a little better this time around.